Peace

I used to think it was creepy when people said that someone you loved is 'at peace'. It immediately conjured up the sweet stink of a big gaudy flower arrangement in a funeral home, dirty Kleenex and dusty black dresses.

This morning I finally know what that means. Robert is gone. And I know in my heart that he is at peace now. I don't know exactly where a dog's soul goes, but I want to end up wherever they are.

He was surrounded by the techs at Back on Track and Dr. Shaw this morning so he had about seven of us petting him and telling him we loved him. He was on his favorite bed and he had his head in my lap. He was calm, he seemed ready and he was very peaceful.

It was a honor to take care of him for these last two years. He taught me about loving someone besides myself and being present when you are needed more than anyone else in my life.

I admired him so much. He put everything he had into learning how to walk again and he wanted to go for a walk every day, even though it was hard for him. Through all of the therapy and exercises and being carried around, he never once lost his patience with anyone who was trying to help him. He was always loving, even when things were really hard. I aspire to be more like him.

The last couple of months he would not sleep unless I let him put his head on my shoulder and his paw in my hand. He would whine and push against me and whack me until I let him do it. After I gave in, he would heave a big sigh and go to sleep. It was annoying at first but then I realized that he was starting to say goodbye. I will miss him more than I can express. Not the poop or the shredded towels but I will miss him.

Before this happened, I didn't know that people were so kind. The love and support that we got while he was sick changed my perspective. He was not a burden, he was the reason that I no longer view the world as a hostile place.

My deepest gratitude to everyone who helped us. Thank you so much. He knew he was loved and, after this, I feel more loved too.

Cindy